Fire scares me. It has for as long as I can remember. For most of my life I refused to light a match unless it was one of those heavy-weight extra-long fireplace matches, and even then I wasn’t thrilled about it. Only after reaching 30 have I learned how to strike a match from a matchbook by folding over the cover for protection between my fingers and the flame. I hate lighting propane grills because I’m convinced one day a mushroom cloud blast will blow up in my face.

My enmity toward fire intensified at a party during my junior high years, when my best friend—at the time—pushed me into a fairly large fire pit. I was standing with my back to the bonfire and he thought it would be fun to see my reaction. Though I hopped out quickly—physically unharmed—I was hot in a different way.

In spite of a few bad experiences and for whatever inbred fear I have toward fire, fire still fascinates me. I am a man, after all, and men and fire are meant for each other. We’re supposed to know how to build a fire, even starting a fire by rubbing our bare hands together in the pouring rain if we need to.

Some Christians are very comfortable around, if not irresistibly drawn to, fire, and I’m not thinking of the pyromamiancs among us. I’m thinking about those who are comfortable with the fire of gossip and slander. Fire is a matchless illustration for fighting and bickering and rumors and squabbles and scandals. Fire is an especially apropos analogy for drama.

What I mean by drama is acting and performing or speaking in a way to get a reaction, to make a scene, to get a rise out of someone by exaggerating the situation. Drama often takes place openly and publicly, but the primary stage for the drama I’m considering is found in private conversations and secluded lunch tables and text messages and Facebook walls. Drama may take something true and exaggerate for effect, or perhaps take something presumed true or even untrue and gives it a life of it’s own. Whether you’re a main character, a supporting actor, or a stagehand, participation in this kind of drama fans the fire.

Proverbs 26:20-22 expose the biblically defined dangers of whispering, admonish us about the importance of controlling of our tongues in public and private, and remind us all to extinguish drama fires.

For lack of wood the fire goes out,
and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.
As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,
so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.
(Proverbs 26:20-22, ESV)

There are three verses, three proverbs, and three things to learn about drama fires. They are fueled by whispers, inflamed by quarrelers, and relished by all.

1. Whisperers feed fires. (v.20)

For lack of wood the fire goes out,
and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.
(Proverbs 26:20, ESV)

Starting a fire requires fuel and something to ignite the fuel. In particular, fires need heat, fuel, and oxygen. Remove any of those three components and no fire will burn. When it comes to drama-fires, whisperers are the fuel.

The word whisperer in Proverbs 26:20 is the Hebrew word nirgan, referring to a person who speaks softly and spitefully. We could also call this person a backbiter or slanderer. Whisperers communicate in a low voice for the sake of privacy, but there is nothing discreet about the consequences of their whispers. Whispers burn like logs on a fire and keep conflict going. That’s the point of the proverb: For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases . Where no one is off in the corner sharing the new juicy detail they heard, the fire of drama dies out.

So who are whisperers and how can we identify them?

It’s easy to envision outright mean and nasty, snotty teenage girls whispering crassly about a classmate, caricatured in sitcoms and movies like Mean Girls. It’s also easy to visualize those girls all grown up, now with more money, wearing fancier clothes and better makeup, badmouthing and backbiting their neighbors over tea and finger sandwiches.

But not all whisperers wear their ill-intent so grossly. Some whisperers are more subtle, stoking the fire with a soothing sympathy. We can identify these whisperers as those who:

• see drama unfolding and jump in to offer their support. They ask for specific details in order to commiserate or so they can better pray for the situation, confirming the victim and condemning the wrongdoer, all with the pretense of great care. We might call this drama-maker the Sympathizer .
• present themselves like the only ones who understand. They’ve been there before, in a situation just like the one being described. This drama-maker present himself as the Specialist
• think they are helping by passing on information. They want others to be prepared and not caught off-guard by finding out at an inopportune time or from an unreliable source. This drama-maker goes by the title of Wheel-greaser , just wanting things to go smoothly.
• claim they are being kind by not talking to the person directly. They believe it would be mean to tell it to the person’s face, after all, they wouldn’t want to embarrass someone or hurt another’s feelings. This drama-maker prefers the name Kind-heart but is more accurately known as the Coward .
• leave other things undone or who aren’t responsible for much in the first place (think 1 Timothy 5:11-15). Free time enables fixers who have nothing better to do than than collect, coordinate and disperse bits of idle data. We would call this person the Rumormonger .
• seek out weak and gullible targets. They hide from the strong and avoid sharing with those who they suspect would stop them. They don’t seek out wise counselors because wise counsel isn’t what they’re after. This, of course, is part of the reason they whisper, so the strong won’t overhear and shut them down. We refer to this drama-maker as the Predator .
• like to reveal the secrets of others (see also Proverbs 20:19 and expose the sin of others (see also Proverbs 17:9). This drama-maker is known as the Whistle-blower .

No matter what posture a person takes, flashing lights and loud alarms should go off in our heads if someone begins talking to us with phrases like, “You wouldn’t believe…” or “Did you hear about…?” or “I don’t know if this is true or not, but…”

Whisperers feed the fire. Without sticks, there’s nothing to burn and the fire goes out. So if the whisperer shuts his mouth, the drama dies out and the fire is extinguished, where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases (or “contention quiets down” NAS).

On a practical note—and I assume you’ve heard this before, never forget that someone who is willing to whisper to us is probably willing to whisper about us. If they share someone else’s secrets they will eventually do the same with our secrets. They may not do it in the same hour but, if that’s their character, what makes us think our friendship is different, especially if and when that friendship gets bumpy?

Whisperers feed drama-fires.

2. Quarrelers inflame fires. (v.21)

As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,
so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
(Proverbs 26:21, ESV)

Not only do whisperers fuel drama as we saw in verse 20, quarrelers also play a large roll in drama. The first half of the proverb in verse 21 provides the comparison: As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire . The fire was already started and now fuel is added. Charcoal refers to cold, black coal while hot embers are glowing, burning coal. We used to use a charcoal grill at our house for barbecuing. When the grill is full of hot, white coals, it doesn’t take long before a fresh black briquette is engulfed. The more charcoal added, the bigger and the hotter the fire. In like manner, the quarrelsome man increases and intensifies the drama.

The main character in verse 21 is the quarrelsome man . He is a man of madon, of strife, of contention (so “contentious man” - NAS). The quarrelsome man doesn’t necessarily start fights, but he jumps on top of the pile. He fans the flames. He’s easily excited and highly flammable. It only takes a spark to get his fire going.

The whisperer and the quarrelsome man are connected in context. Obviously verse 21 immediately follows verse 20 but, more than that, both verse 20 and 21 use the image of fire. Besides, the quarreler is wedged between two verses about the whisperer, verse 20 and 22, bookending these three verses as one unit.

The whisperer is like wood, the quarrelsome man like charcoal and wood. Both add fuel to fire or make the fire bigger, and without them the drama dies. Verse 20 says without a whisperer the fire goes out and quarreling ceases . Verse 21 explains that the quarrelsome man kindles strife, which means sparks won’t fly without a quarreler.

Notice that both the whisperer and the quarrelsome man are responding. At least as far as verses 20 and 21 are concerned, these characters are responding to the fire by keeping it going or by making it bigger. The whisperer keeps it going, the quarrelsome man makes it bigger. They aren’t starting the fire, they’re sustaining it or stirring it up. One burns slowly, one explodes, both keep the fire going. One is subtle, one is obvious, both are wrong. One might seem sympathetic, one appears bold, both are foolish.

The implication is that the wise person douses drama. Wise people smother and snuff out the fire. Without fuel, gossip and fights and strife dwindle and die. Extinguishing drama is the work of the wise.

The book of Proverbs provides at least two instructions for how to respond to drama with wisdom:

Be quiet.

We don’t need to tell everyone everything we know, and we certainly shouldn’t tell anyone things we’re only guessing about. When it comes to drama, keeping our mouths closed is wise.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
(Proverbs 11:3, ESV)

Whoever covers an offense seeks love,
but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
(Proverbs 17:9, ESV)

We fan the fire by adding our two cents. If we’re not careful, even our sympathy can unintentionally increase the drama rather than putting it out. Most of the time we need to be quiet.

Be cool.

In other words, we must keep control of our emotions.

A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
(Proverbs 15:1, ESV)

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
(Proverbs 15:18, ESV)

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
(Proverbs 17:27, ESV)

Though we can’t always control what other people say, we can control how we respond. For example, a match won’t light by striking it on any surface. We can be a smooth surface, like a bowling ball, staving off or preventing (only you can prevent) fire. When drama makers talk to us it should be like trying to strike a match in a lump of sticky bread dough.

We’re often in situations with flammable friends or classmates or co-workers or fellow life-to-lifers. How we respond makes the difference between feeding the fire and increasing the drama or pulling the curtain on the drama and snuffing out the fire.

Whisperers and quarrelers feed and inflame drama-fires. But there’s a reason we don’t put out fires: we love the action.

3. Whisperers eat fires. (v.22)

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.
(Proverbs 26:22, ESV)

We don’t extinguish drama because we enjoy it. We’re not built to let fires die out. We are fire eaters, not fire fighters. Though that may sound silly, it correlates the image of fire in verses 20 and 21 with the picture of eating in verse 22.

Proverbs 26:22 is verbatim (from the Latin verbum meaning “words,” so “all the same words”) with Proverbs 18:8. When a proverb is repeated like this, it contains a key nugget of wisdom. This is a sad but commonly true description of human character: The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels . Delicious morsels are a noun form of a verb that means to swallow greedily. That these delicious morsels go down into the inner parts of the body means we scarf them down.

We love to listen to drama. We delight in bits and pieces of juicy gossip. They are lip-smacking, finger-licking, and good to the last drop. Or in the poetic words of Don Henley, people love dirty laundry, and dirty laundry is combustible.

It’s why reality television (and soap operas before them) fascinate our culture. It’s why producers of reality TV always allot time for soliloquy in every show, separating a character in a soundproof room so we can hear her rip her house-mates. And we eat it up. We get a little and we want more. We’re amused by relational conflict, deception, bad-mouthing and revenge. It entertains us.

We love us some dirt. Whether by instant messages, text messages, Facebook walls, notes in class, room corner conversations, or late night phone chats, we eat it up, then vomit it back to others. Most of us—that is, those of us in the church—act like our motives are pure and justify our participation in the drama because we care. But under the smokescreen of sympathy we eat and inflame the fire.

Though whispers are like delicious morsels to us, they are bitter and foul to God’s palate. Whispering drama destroys like poison. As it seeps it ruins the reputations of others. It kills our credibility. It undermines unity. It wrecks relationships and friendships. It hurts.

The first two proverbs in this passage deal with our talking; this third one addresses our listening. We are not only what we say, we are what we listen to. Whispering is wrong and so is paying attention to whispers. Our ears play a big part in drama too.

As Thomas Watson painted The Godly Man’s Picture,

Beware of the devil’s couriers—I mean such as run on his errand, and make it their work to blow the coals of contention among Christians, and render one party odious to another. (p. 145)

Conclusion

Avoiding drama doesn’t mean we never say tough things, it means we don’t add theatrics. It also means that we say tough things to the person, not about the person. Being kind to someone’s face doesn’t always equal love, and saying difficult things to someone’s face doesn’t always equal not love.

On the other hand, whisperers are invariably haters. They talk a love-game in certain settings but, as Proverbs 26:23-28 describes, they are hiding an evil heart and harboring deceit. It is never loving or kind to whisper. Whisperers, quarrelers, deceivers, and haters are destroyers.

The whisperers in Proverbs 26:20-22 are fools. Of course, the entire book of Proverbs contrasts wisdom and foolishness, and a man’s speech tells on him. Wise men quiet contention; fools start fires. Fools whisper and start fights. Fools take a bad situation and stir it up. Other fools listen to and eat up drama.

It’s no wonder tongues cause such turmoil since “the tongue stains the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell” (James 3:6). We inflame and sustain fire with our mouths, because our tongues are hellish. It may not be a surprise, but it is no less wrong.

God recorded this for us not only so that we could identify drama-makers, or escape drama-makers, but so that we would avoid becoming drama-makers ourselves. God says these things so that we will stop whispering. He makes a claim on our mouths.

With every response we show what is important, either drama, or the Lord. We’ve got to guard our hearts, guard our lips, and guard our ears. Especially for leaders, those who typically know more information about others, and those on whom more eyes and ears concentrate, drama must not be entertained or tolerated in our reactions. We need to make disciples, not drama .