Or, Escaping the Trap of the Fear of Man
Scripture: Proverbs 29:25
Date: August 26, 2007
Speaker: Sean Higgins
I remember Junior High, and I really remember being miserable. For that matter, my first couple years of High School really weren’t enjoyable either. But I came to find out that most of the blame for my misery was mine.
It’s not because I was a dork, though I wasn’t really cool either. It wasn’t because I was an idiot, but I wasn’t an excellent student either. It isn’t because I didn’t have any friends, even though my closest relationships were still superficial.
Yet I remember too many sad, silent, lonely hours spent in my room. I wasn’t into music, perhaps because cassette tapes were never my idea of convenient,, so I didn’t turn on tunes for distraction and escape. But I was left to myself in the quiet to think about things like, why my mom and dad bought my basketball shoes at Payless when all my friends had Nike’s and Avia’s from the sports store. I dreamed about girls thinking I was cool and always wondered how many more push-ups I needed to do to get their attention and what hair cut was in style and what clothes would give me a better image.
I also remember trying to talk to my dad one time about how sad I was and feeling like no one really liked me. He either didn’t get what I was talking about or he didn’t care because he basically just told me I was wrong and that it was stupid for me to be sad and then he left. That didn’t really make it better.
I was too sensitive to what other people thought about me and I desperately wanted to please (at least some of) them. I thought if they thought I was great then we’d all be cool together and then I’d be happy.
Of course that isn’t what makes a person really happy anyway, but I was caught in the trap and didn’t know it. In fact, living life consumed with what other people think about you is a nasty trap, a deep hole, and an inevitable disappointment.
And you know what it is called when you live based on what other people think about you? It is called the fear of man and it is sin. Not only is the fear of man sinful, it is a snare .
The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.
Proverbs 29:25
A snare is something that entraps and entangles. A snare is something—oftentimes deceptively attractive—that catches someone unaware and unprepared. The fear of man is a snare. It seems like the approval of other people would be so satisfying and fulfilling, but once you get caught, it’s tough to get out.
I suspect that many of you have been ensnared by the fear of man. Some of you have been in the trap for a long time. And I want to talk about the snare of the fear of man, to talk about the root of fear, the reflection (or expression) of fear, and the remedy for fear so that you might escape the snare or avoid it in the first place.
What is the fear of man and where does it come from? In other words, what is the nature and source of the fear of man?
When we talk about the fear of man we’re not necessarily talking about fear like you might have when you’re all alone in a dark alley in a bad part of town. There are times when we are scared for our safety because of someone else, but that alarm or hesitation is different.
We’re also not talking about fear as in respect for law enforcement or government officials or anyone else in a position of authority. In those cases our fear or respect is healthy and appropriate.
The fear of man we’re talking about is “being governed or controlled by someone else’s opinions.” When we fear men we are anxious and uptight, wondering what they think and wanting to do whatever will get them to think highly of us, to accept us, to like us, even to praise us. The fear of man is seeking approval from others, from what we wear or how we look or what we own or what we do and say.
Commercials play on your fear of man. They stir up distress about what others will think if you don’t have X. Many magazines, stories and advertisements, attempt to teach you what you need to look like and be like in order to have other people’s approval. This is peer pressure. This is the fear of man.
Where does that fear of man come from? Is it natural? It is natural, for the flesh. And even though we could probably identify a great number of soils where fear of man flourishes, let me suggest three.
I think the most fundamental and universal reason people are so concerned with what other people think about them is pride. They think they are awesome and they want everyone else to agree. Even if a person questions their own “awesomeness,” if they can get other people to confirm it then, Score!
1 Samuel 15:1-6, 17-23, 24-31
The fear of man that came from pride was a snare that took the kingdom away from Saul.
Some braggarts might be happy proclaiming their greatness into an empty pit, but most of the time they are announcing their accomplishments to win an approving audience. The shy person is no less proud and no less interested in approval, they’re just afraid they’ll mess up so they keep quiet. Instead of speaking up they sit back, but still their fear of men is rooted in pride.
A second root of the fear of man is unbelief. We simply do not know or do not trust what God says in His Word.
We don’t believe what God has revealed about reality, namely, that men are worms and that He is worthy. In light of eternity, He is the one who matters most and His opinion and approval that are most significant.
We also demonstrate unbelief in His promises when we fear men. Think of Peter’s denial and Timothy’s timidity. Their fear of men rooted in unbelief was a snare that kept them from being bold for Christ.
But the third root of the fear of man is the worst. When we fear men, what we really want is their approval and praise and worship. That means we are idolators. We’ve basically decided that we will do whatever it takes to be at the center of another person’s attention, and we’ll pout and punish them if they neglect us. That means we have made ourselves like God and inching our way onto His throne.
Maybe you think that is too extreme or even too harsh, but it is exactly what kept certain people from publicly confessing belief in Christ.
42 Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God. (John 12)
These were even authorities who had a measure of belief, but they feared the Pharisees (the popular and powerful religious). They didn’t want to be put out of the synagogue (to lose their place at the table, to be removed from the place of influence and social). And the reason is given in verse 43: they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God . They were idolators.
The fear of men rooted in a desire for praise was a snare that kept these authorities from having real freedom in Christ.
So pride, unbelief, and idolatry are where the fear of man comes from, but what does it look like out in the wild? How is fear in the heart reflected in our actions? Here are at least a few ways fear of man is expressed.
A person who fears men typically has little or no joy. He is sad and self-absorbed. She is tearful because she wasn’t invited to that certain party. He pities himself that if he had more money or more athletic ability then he would get that position or recognition.
Sometimes the depressed and pitiful have parties alone, sometimes they send invitations to their party and whine and give the “woe is me” speech in hope that the listeners will tell them that they really aren’t that bad. They try to get others to scratch the itch of neglected pride. But people are not depressed because they think too little about themselves. They are depressed because they think other people think little about them.
Pleasing people is actually a lot of work, not only because we think other people have crazy high expectations, but because we know how pathetic and miserable we really are. So in the game of fearing men we find it useful to lie to give the right impression. We might lie to cover some weakness or mistake we made. We try to hide what is ugly.
But also we lie to make good things seem even better. Since we have so few positives anyway, we figure we’ve got to squeeze it for all the praise and approval we can. So we direct the conversation to tell our story and then we embellish it a bit to magnify why they should give us glory. We’re not lying because we think it’s fun, but because we think it will promote other people’s approval.
Most of the time when we are jealous of something a person has—whether that is a material thing or a position or an ability—it isn’t just that we want that thing itself. We wouldn’t be happy having that thing if we were on the moon all alone. No. We want the car or the job or the talent for the recognition and approval we think we would get from others.
I suppose there are some people who are just so vile and evil that they love to cut down other people just because. But most people don’t gossip and slander to make other people look bad without also hoping what? That it will make them look good! Maybe the listeners will think we’re great because we have inside info or maybe because we didn’t do something so stupid (that other people have found out about yet). But gossip and slander is intended to help us get glory, to get someone else to worship us.
The fear of man is ugly. It is sinful and it’s a snare.
Just stop it. That was my dad’s counsel, though perhaps not as helpful as it could be with some additional instruction on how to stop it.
In other words, turn your focus to God and off of self and others. Develop and improve your relationship with Him. Learn about Him and why He is worth pleasing. Learn about what pleases Him more than about what is “in” this season. If one of the roots of the fear of man is idolatry, then cut it off by worshipping the true God.
Namely, let the Word of Christ about what is eternally real and relevant dwell in your heart. Long for the pure milk of the Word and drink its promises. If one of the roots of the fear of man is unbelief, feed and strengthen your faith with the Word of grace. This isn’t just repeating a mantra or harnessing the “power of positive thinking,” it is reminding yourself of what is real.
This part of the prescription is the one most neglected. I think many people work on the first two and still are stuck in the snare of being self-absorbed and fearful of others because they still spend too much time thinking about themselves.
When you don’t have anything better to do, you default to thinking about and serving self. That’s why you need to get up and get busy serving others. There may be nothing that more quickly frees one from the snare of the fear of man than to serve. And I mean truly serve, not because of what you’ll get back from them, but because you love them and have God’s approval. Serve as a people-lover, not a people-pleaser.
Being caught in the snare is not safe. But trusting God is. Remember,
The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.
Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man is sin. It is not safe. Even more, I think that if the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7), then we might say that the fear of man is the beginning of foolishness.