I’ve been a parent for (only) nine years. At this point, Mo and I are stewards of four young souls: Maggie (9 years old), Calvin (almost 6), Hallie (3), and Keelah (18 months). I’ve never been so proud, humiliated, exhausted, exhilarated, affectionate, and angry with any other group of people or doing any other job. I pray that God will continue to grow me and our family for another decade.

I am not a parenting expert. In many ways, you couldn’t know if I was until you met the kids of my grandkids. In other words, the final conclusion on my parenting skills won’t be available for a while. However, by way of some qualifications, here’s what I might put on my parenting resume.

• I had parents. I watched my mom and dad do it for a long time, both good and the less good.
• I know people who are parents. I talk with them and hear them talk.
• I pastor parents, and sometimes help them with their kids. I was a pastor in student ministries for over 10 years and I saw a lot. A good youth pastor better pay attention to families, not only the students. By way of fact, when I started in that position, among our youth staff, my wife and I were the only ones with young children. By the time I left that position, we had 23 youth staff and 14 kids 8 and under (which made for all kinds of learning opportunities).
• I am a parent and, in particular, God has convicted me of many parenting failures and sins toward my family. By grace and by His Spirit He is helping me learn. Sometimes you can learn a lot from someone who has done it wrong so many times, at least if that person is teachable.
• I love God’s Word. The Bible has all sorts of helps for families.
• I love the Trinue God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Watching how He acts, considering how He handles things has been a great source of help to me as I hope to share throughout this series.

So again, I would be a fool and a liar to claim expertise. But in many ways, this is exactly what God made us for and it’s great to be overwhelmed by this amazing task if we depend on Him.

RAISING PARENTS

The title for this message has a double-meaning and those meanings get to the root and show the fruit of parenting.

On one hand, raising parents is aimed at the root of parenting, that is, at raising, training, equipping, helping parents to be better parents in Christ. No parent starts as a mature parent. This is no small problem because problems in a family, even problems with kids in that family, usually (not always) spring from dad, mom, or both. Kids grow as their parents grow. Parents who believe that they have it figured out, and it’s just their immature kids who don’t get it, don’t realize how bad the situation really is. The situation is bad most of all because they are the first (not only, but first) problem.

When it comes to helping parents, here is the “secret,” the single most important requirement of being a good parent: BE A FAITHFUL CHRISTIAN . There are perspectives and plans and principles for parenting, and we will cover some of them. But no schedule, no chore chart, no brand of diapers, no type of schooling, no set of entertainment standards, no consistency in spanking, no daily servings of fruits and vegetables will make the ultimate difference. What we do—in all of life, including parenting—comes from who we are. The most important thing is for us to be in Christ, growing in Christ, loving Christ, and doing that in front of and with our whole family.

In a general sense, raising parents is about raising Christians. We’ll consider this connection in Colossians 3 in a few minutes.

Before we do, like I said, there are two meanings to the sermon title. The root of parenting is being good parents in Christ. The fruit of parenting, our goal, the mission, is to raise good parents in Christ. I’ve got no problem with the phrase “raising kids.” But a moment’s reflection may cause one to ask, “raising kids…to be what?” So we would be more precise to say that we are raising parents.

I understand that not everyone, in God’s providence, will grow up and get married. I understand that some who are married won’t have children. But isn’t the norm, at least as the Bible reveals it, two becoming one who are fruitful and multiply and fill the earth? A parent should assume, should plan for the day when his five year old will have a five year old of his own.

The fruit of good parenting is reproduction. Good parents parent in a way to raise good parents. Not only are we far too short-sighted in our goals (“How can I get Johnny to eat his green beans at dinner?”), but it is incomplete. We’re not raising adults. The goal isn’t only to prepare them to get a job, work hard, pay their bills, and eat some green beans without us threatening to spank them. The goal goes beyond that to fruitful adulthood: being good parents to the next generation.

This is part of the reason why being faithful Christians is so important. The fruit comes from the root. If the root is rotten, the fruit probably won’t be healthy. This is not the same as guaranteeing salvation for every kid of every saved parent. But if you want your child to be a Christian, then isn’t the place to start actually being a Christian yourself?

The mission of Christian parents is to raise a generation of Christian parents. That starts by being Christians.

Parenting Context

The apostle Paul connects Christian life with family life in two of his letters: Colossians and Ephesians. These epistles provide the most extensive instruction for parents (along with spouses, kids, and household servants) in the New Testament. Each letter offers its own emphasis, but they are clearly parallel passages in many ways. I’d like to show some observations from the context of the instructions to parents. Ephesians 5:22-6:9 and Colossians 3:18-4:1 have many similarities. The first similarity is that, in both places, the household instructions follow personal instructions.

We’ll hang out mostly in Colossians. The most important relationship is the relationship of the parent to God through Christ in the Spirit. The parenting task must not be separated from Christian behavior.

Acting like Christians

Parenting life comes out of Christian life. Parents must be killing sin, putting off sin, and not lying (Colossians 3:5-11). The sin of greatest consequence is always one’s own sin, not that of another. We start by mortifying our own anger and pride and selfishness and dishonesty. Where did your kid get his sin from? Adam, yes. And they learn how to submit to their flesh or slay their flesh from us.

Parents must also be putting on the heart of Christ (3:12-17). Our kids need us to be patient and tender. That is Christian. Note in particular verse 16:

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. (Colossians 3:16, ESV)

So many really crucial things are here. When the “word of Christ,” Scripture, the Bible, is in us, it can’t help but come out onto others. Too many Christian parents see a need and go looking for a verse to plug the hole. There are times for that but mostly we should be filled with the Word so much that it will overflow onto our kids. Of course, that would help us apply Deuteronomy 6.

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4–7, ESV)

We should aim for full cups, not to fill the cup just enough to empty it and need to fill again to empty it. That’s exhausting.

This sort of Scripture indwelling leaves a certain aroma in the house. The Word does reprove and correct (2 Timothy 3:16; see also 4:2). Scripture cuts us and lays our souls bare (Hebrews 4:12). Parents should get specific references to deal with specific sins. Nevertheless, the overall aroma will smell like gladness! A heart that overflows with the Bible is thankful! There is melody! Parents indwelt by the Word will speak in “psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness” in their hearts to their kids.

Christian parents should be better and singing songs to/with their kids than quoting verses at them. Christian parents ought to be the most thankful people in the house; they certainly should not blame their lack of thankfulness on the kids. Thankful parents raise kids who give them more reasons for thankfulness.

The parallel in Ephesians 5:18 should be considered. The same sorts of results are seen, but instead of the word richly indwelling, the Spirit is filling.

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, (Ephesians 5:18–19, ESV)

The Word life can’t be disconnected from the Spirit life (not too surprising since the Word was inspired by the Spirit) and visa versa. I point it out to emphasize that parenting responsibilities come out Christian basics.

Spousing before Parenting

Parenting life also comes out of married life. The second most important parenting relationship is between the husband and wife. In both Colossians and Ephesians, the spousal responsibilities come first in the list of household members. By putting husbands and wives first (Colossians 3:18 wives and 3:19 husbands; Ephesians 5:22-24 wives and 5:25-33 husbands), Paul puts a premium on how moms and dads act as a married couple. The linchpin of family relationships is the marriage relationship.

A child learns about respect from his mom. Mom who disrespects her husband, who doesn’t obey him, provides the pattern of disrespect and disobedience in the family. A child learns about love or laziness by watching his dad. If dad serves himself, is distant and/or a bully to his wife, so the kids will grow up to produce similar fruit.

According to Ephesians, the child’s first exposure to the gospel is watching his dad, not necessarily listening to him read the Children’s Bible at bedtime.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (Ephesians 5:25, ESV)

One reason our kids grow up and leave the church is because dads and moms make Christ with His bride look like they have no interest in each other.

Yes, kids need the stability of knowing mom and dad aren’t leaving each other. But it’s more than that. Dads teach their daughters what to look for in a husband by how they act. Daughters learn how to be submissive wives by submitting to their dads and watching their moms. Boys learn how to be sensitive while leading like a man by watching their dads.

Mom and dad, you need to be on the same page when it comes to standards and discipline. That starts by being faithful Christians and devoted spouses, loving Christ first and each other next. Your kids need that.

Before we even get to the details of parental responsibilities, we must be putting off sin, putting on Christ, letting the Word of Christ dwell in us richly, being filled with the Spirit, with wives submitting to their husbands and husbands lovingly serving and sacrificing for their wives. Parents, are you making Christ look good? Are you making the Word seem sweet? Are you making marriage appear fantastic? If the goal of parenting is to raise parents, these are the basics of that foundation.

The Actual Instructions

The actual instructions in these two verses is—surprisingly little and somewhat negative.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21, ESV)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4, ESV)

Don’t provoke them to anger? Don’t discourage, don’t “exasperate” (NAS) them? Really? Is that the best we can do?

No. The Old Testament has more specifics which are helpful. The context we’ve considered provide more proactive helps, too. So why so little and so negative? Because these are the things parents, especially fathers, are most likely to struggle with.

What is the Christian’s challenge? Walking in the flesh, not the Spirit. What is a wife’s temptation? To control her husband rather than submit. How about the husband? To do the least amount possible. The kids? To disobey. We parents, and dads the most, are prone to exasperate and discourage our kids.

How?

• By holding higher expectations for their behavior than our own.
• By holding our standards hypocritically.
• By being angry at them, being discouraged by them or in front of them.
• By parenting according to law while talking about grace.
• By claiming that Christ is Lord but not living under His lordship
• by making submission to Him seem miserable.
• By being ungrateful.

If we are NOT to discourage them, what do we do? Isn’t the opposite to give them hope? Especially hope in Christ? Hope that the gospel forgives, that the Word guides as a light to our paths, that the Spirit transforms and knits us together in love. Hope that marriage and family and child-raising is meaning and effective in Christ!

Our mission as Christian parents is to raise a generation of Christian parents who hope in God.

Community Standouts

Observe also that, in context, the family responsibilities prepare the way to our community witness. After addressing the household slaves and masters, Paul moves to instruct the Christians about their outreach (Colossians 4:2-6). Our personal Christian lives must be consistent. Our families function as platforms for evangelism. How much do happy families stand out? How much do happy, obedient, non-complaining parents stand out?

Why would you want to get married? Why would you want to bring kids into this world? The hope of the gospel! That hope must be more than our mantra, it should be our practice.

Raising the next generation is part of our mission to this generation. We should love family like God does. As we function with thankfulness and melody and hope, we will stand out, and the only explanation will be the Lord. Family is evangelism. Making disciples starts at home. Whether or not we change the culture, we will at least be witnesses to it.

Our mission as Christian parents is to raise a generation of Christian parents who hope in God as a witness to the world.

Pleasing the Lord

Do you see how many references there are to Christ, the Lord, in this section? (see the diagram handout: 3:18, 20, 22, 23, 24, 4:1) In the broad and narrow context, in the marriage, in the family, and community, He is the ultimate ground and goal. We live in Him and for Him.

We are raising parents, Christians reproducing by grace more Christians for this generation and those to come. Parenting is a glorious privilege with an eternal purpose.

Our mission as Christian parents is to raise a generation of Christian parents who hope in God as a witness to the world for the pleasure of the Lord!

Conclusion

There is good news if sin is the problem in parenting, with the parents and with the kids. Jesus has done something about sin. We are evangelical parents. We are parents who confess our sins and believe in Christ’s substitutionary death on the cross so that sinners can be forgiven and reconciled to God for everlasting joy. That’s the evangel, the gospel. Living as Christians changes everything.

This is radical parenting. The English word “radical” derives from the Latin word radix or radic- meaning “root.” Living as faithful Christians will affect the fundamental nature of our families with far-reaching consequences, both in our community and for generations.

If the goal is to raise parents, most of what we do in the early years is give our kids a taste of Christian life, a taste of joyful Christian parenting. We’re not giving them the recipe, measuring ingredients, and telling them to make something. We’re giving them a taste. God will take that taste, make our kids hungry, and a long time from now, they’ll start to pick up how to do it themselves.