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When you are “in fellowship” with another person, it affects everything. If you are in fellowship with your spouse, you have joy and camaraderie and confidence. You’re thinking about each other, enjoying each other, acting in a way that honors the one you’re connected to. You’re on the same page even if you’re not in the same place.

If you are in fellowship with the president of your company, it is a different connection than with a spouse, but there is still a similar confidence and eagerness. You know that you can share your ideas freely, make suggestions, even ask for things and you will be heard. Likewise, you know and feel the importance of doing your part. Following the company’s standards matters, and it reflects on your boss. You’re eager to work and not eager to punch out early with a box full of office supplies under your arm.

Jesus’ disciples had been living with their Master for about three years. It was easy to be confident when He was around. He made them feel strong and secure. He could help them whenever they needed Him.

But now He said He was leaving. He told the Jews that He was going away (8:21), and He just told His own that where He was going they could not come (13:33), at least not now (13:36). Jesus knew the turmoil this caused and encouraged them not to let their hearts be troubled but to trust Him (14:1). He wanted them to anticipate the blessings if He went away.

He continues to tell His disciples what He wants for them to do and what He wants for them to have in John 14:15-31. What He wants for them to do is obey Him. He wants them to “keep my commandments” (verse 15), to keep His word (verses 21 and 23). What He wants for them to have is the Helper, the Holy Spirit (verses 16 and 26), as well as union with the Father and with Himself (verses 21 and 23). The doing and the having, however, belong in the context of love. In verses 1-14 Jesus stressed believing in Him, now He stresses loving Him.

Love leads to obedience, love enjoys being loved back, love involves God making His home in us. So we could also say that what Jesus wants His disciples to do is fellowship with Him and what Jesus wants His disciples to have is fellowship with Him. Not only was this especially encouraging to the Eleven on the final night, it encourages “whoever” (verse 21) and “anyone” (verse 23) who loves Jesus.

Being in fellowship changes things. It changes our perspective; we’re not alone. It changes our confidence; we have help. It changes our decisions; we act in accordance with the other person’s desires. Even though Jesus was leaving, the fellowship would get tighter.

Three times we see love from disciples for Jesus, three times we see that love leads to keeping Jesus’ commands, and three times the Trinity stimulates more fellowship. So there are three emphasis of fellowship: 1) fellowship in Spirit (verses 15-17), 2) fellowship in love (verses 18-21), and 3) fellowship in union (verses 22-24). Because of some preliminary work, we’ll start looking at the first one today.

Fellowship in Spirt (verses 15-17)

While Jesus lived with His disciples He helped them. When Jesus went away from His disciples He sent another Helper who would never leave them.

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. (John 14:15–17, ESV)

Jesus told them that He is the way and the truth and the life (verse 6). He told them that no one comes to the Father except through Him (verse 6). He told them that He was going to prepare a place for them with Himself and the Father (verse 2). He told them that He was coming back to get them (verse 3). What were they supposed to do in the meantime? They were supposed to keep following Him. They weren’t supposed to do anything different; He just wouldn’t be there.

Jesus commanded them to love one another (13:34-35) but this is the first time in John’s Gospel that He talks about the disciples’ love for Him. When He said, If you love me , He wasn’t laying a guilt trip on them, nor was He asking them to prove it. He was telling them what to do with their love. If you love me, you will keep my commandments .

We need to observe this well; if we don’t get this right, we will not understand the entire passage. Love goes deeper than choosing to obey, though love will choose to obey. Do not believe those who say that love is merely a choice or that love is a conscious decision to serve or sacrifice for another person. Our choices and sacrifices are fruits of love, but choice and sacrifice are not the root of love. The root of love is delight in the other person; the deeper the delight the deeper the fellowship between one another.

Love cannot be separated from obedience but it can be distinguished. Claiming to love someone without it affecting actions is a false claim. But claiming that obedience is by itself love is also false.

Look at John 14:15 again. It is an if…then argument, not an equals sign. One leads to the other, one is not the same as the other.

If this paragraph was an engagement ring, verses 15, 21, and 23 would be smaller jewels that accent the larger stone in the middle. I’m focusing on these gems of love this morning because the connection between love obedience has been greatly abused. I’ll tell you who abuses it in a moment. How it is abused usually gets back to pressure applied to one poor little greek word, ἀγαπάω, or its noun form, ἀγάπη.

The popular path to abuse is to explain that there are different words for love in Greek (it already sounds more scholarly and authoritative). φιλέω is supposed to be a natural, brotherly love. ἐράω is supposed to be romantic, passionate love. ἀγαπάω is supposed to be the love of choice. We don’t need to deny that there are different nuances between the words, but it a false definition to gut ἀγάπη of warmth and affection.

Forget for a moment the apostle Paul saying that he could give away all he had and deliver up his body to burned (both deliberate choices and sacrificially painful) but not have love (1 Corinthians 13:3). We don’t even need his help. Just think back to how John has described love in his Gospel.

Men loved darkness because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light lest his works should be exposed. (John 3:19-20, ESV)

Men prefer, they want, they have pleasure in darkness because darkness protects them. Darkness gives them what they desire. They do not make a deliberate, disinterested choice. They are completely passionate about loving the dark.

many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God. (John 12:42–43, ESV)

Again, they preferred, they longed for, they changed their behavior because of a love, not out of duty.

The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand. (John 3:35, ESV)

When the Father loves the Son, it isn’t duty, it is delight. When Jesus loves His own, He desired to take care of them (13:1). The Trinity does not make cold, calculated, machine-like decisions toward one another or toward us. [See this sermon by John Piper for more on “love” in the Gospel of John.]

So Jesus doesn’t want His disciples just do to the right thing, to keep His commandments just because He says. It is right because we have a relationship. We keep , we cherish and watch with care to do what Christ wants because that’s how love behaves. It is right because we’re in fellowship. Love has a face of obedience but it breaths and beats in fellowship.

I assume that the disciples didn’t have questions about what love meant. Love meant personal interest, investment, delight and fellowship. Jesus told them that love would drive their attention to His word and they would not be alone in that. The Spirit and the Father and He Himself would be related to disciples in love. The world doesn’t know or have this intimacy. The “world cannot receive” the Spirit (verse 17), the world cannot see Jesus (verses 19 and 22).

I keep pounding this nail because sinful men keep trying to pry it out. We are always looking for a lower obedience bar to jump. We are always looking for less personal personal conviction. We think it saves face to say, “I know what I did, but that’s not what was in my heart.” Our actions always seem easier to monitor and control than our affections.

So pastors/teachers (and wannabe Greek scholars) are the first to abuse ἀγάπη because it lets them off the hook. They don’t have to confess cold hearts as long as they can point to visible performance. You can’t question their love because they keep showing up and doing “sacrificial” things, even if they do it obnoxiously.

That approach to love sounds great to husbands, too. We can “love” by working long hours and bringing home a paycheck. Then we check the box of obedience. Fathers don’t love like God the Father loved His Son. We live at home but we don’t have fellowship.

Do you see how a definition of love that equals actions rather than results in actions lets those without love claim that they are loving? It lets them claim love without relationship, but that’s not actually possible. Jesus is telling His disciples—and all who keep His commands—that we will be in relationship with He and the Father though the Spirit.

Conclusion

The first thing that we need to examine is not obedience, though that is easier to examine. The chief thing to examine is our hearts.

A current way to excuse our love failure is to claim that we are extroverts or introverts. Extroverts run over others with words but claim that it’s okay because that’s just their personality. Introverts explain away their isolation because that’s just how God made them. It is one thing to be quiet and contemplative, it is another thing to be stuck thinking to yourself about yourself all the time. Being glad to listen rather than talk is one thing. Acting put out because you’re in a relationship and need to communicate is selfish, not loving. We can’t claim to love outside a relationship.

Yes, relationships are hard. Love is hard. People are needy and unlovely, just as Jesus’ disciples had dirty feet and lots of ignorant questions. But if we’re in fellowship with Jesus, loving Him and keeping His commands, that includes the command to love just as he loves us. There is no personality type, or Greek scholar, that is excused.

The evening started with Jesus showing His love for His disciples and modeling how they were to show love to one another.

   Because Jesus loves us,
He leaves us in the world to love each other
   by humbly serving one another
   for our joyful, Trinitarian unity and
   for a global witness to God’s love.

If we love Him, we will keep His commandments. Are you known, not just as a Christian, but as one who loves Jesus?